Dana: Am alone in a faraway land without my mom

by , under Dana, Migrant Tales Literary

Yes, it’s a few days since I got my citizenship, and you cruel ones got together. You hated me and my mother too.  She is gone now.
Dana

_________

Am alone at home

Alone in Finland

I cannot cry

I am standing in front of you, my enemies, and telling that you are very cruel.

She was waiting for me for three years

And still my family case gathered dust in your offices?

Where? I don’t know.

Who was the judge and lawyer that made decision that I do not deserve
to see my mother …I don’t know

Does he or she know me?

Does he or she believe I am ugly and not human?

Who are you?

Why did you not accept me ever and did not accept my family?

Now I want my mother
She was my mother, can you understand me?

Now come and attack me and tell me to get out of Finland,

Now come and attack me with your ugly hearts,

Now come and show me you’re very happy,

yes I made you all very happy with this news, but GOD is not happy and
GOD was a witness between us,

he saw how you treated me, he saw all, I don’t want more.

It has no hurt for you, it’s my mother not yours,

you cannot feel anything for me,

but joy, because I am a woman who cannot stay in silence,

because I am a woman who does not belong to darkness

so what if you hate me and show it to me,

show it again tomorrow and the day after tomorrow …

Now tell me what’s your idea? Oh nothing.

Finland why so? Why could you not accept my mother?

Why could you never asked me for an interview, oh what can you know about me…

All those moments you put dust on my case, you put dust and sand
between me and my mother…

Now she is not here, she does not need to miss me, she does not need
to feel pain for Dana.

Danaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa you have no mother, that’s finished.

Tell me what’s the difference between me and you, tell me what’s the
difference between my mother and yours?

I could not see my mother again, now what does this citizenship mean to me?

I paid for you, I paid for my family, but instead you scammers scammed me.

Thanks, I have no more words, thanks to you.

Let me talk about her, not about you.

She is my beautiful mother, she is in me, she is alive for me , she is
free, she doesn’t need to come and see how you have broken me, she
doesn’t need to come here and see me with a broken heart.

She was just 63 and no-one will live forever. You will die too one
day, no-one knows which day…. so why did you try so hard to separate
me and my mom?

Scammers, tell me what you have done with my money?

Tell me how you talked about my case with each other?

Why do you hide. To who shall I say this? Where are you, cruel one?

Where are you my enemies, I was not your enemy, so how come you put
yourself against me, what had I done to you?

You do not know me at all.

You don’t care.

Now you’re on your trip, on your joy , or on your warm bed, or at work
and proud of yours, or maybe you hug your wife or husband but I could
not taste my mother again…

Now tell me about my imagination and poems…

This is fact

I lost my mother… tonight

And so go and make a party for yours

I know you are very happy now….

But you are yet fearful hunters

Why do you hide yourself from me

If you are right and there is nothing to hide why has it been three years?

I am very kind with your mothers and fathers but what about you?

You don’t know about pain.

How can I live without my mother… oh so far far far… I could not
touch her again.

I even cannot believe it,

hey hunters I was speaking with my mother’s body, just hour ago, it
was fresh… my brother helped me, I told to my mom that I want 1000
and more stories, I will come .

Now no/one can understanding me , not even myself.

I cannot  help me now… because I cannot  hug me

I cannot  help me now…. because I cannot  get me

I can help me now…, because there is no me

I cannot  help me… because I lost me

I cannot  help me now….. me also needs me

But I cannot  help me now….. I wish I could touch her body but I
cannot. Why can’t I?

I see foreigners, with family here and there, and just suffering.

I don’t know why my destiny has become so hard and painful.

Whatever I am doing and trying I get nothing in result.

I am a ghost in Finland.

No-one can see me here

I am a picture in Finland, no-one can hear me here

I am  a poet, a writer in a nightmare… I just write write write and
think think think

I cannot  stop my mind

I cannot  stop trying …always have hope… my mother was in my wishes,

Without a wish there is no hope, for a tree is not a tree without a root.

This is a trip for all of us… but we were waiting a long time to meet

If my mother was here or close to me now I could sleep close to her
body until morning,

I’m not afraid of the dead so am not afraid of my mother either.

I could hug her until morning, oh would be very good… I love it.

But now I cannot even hug me

I never knew a hug is so important, oh never knew

Do you know about hugs?

Now I need one.. but am alone…there is no-one to hug me

So I won’t cry, I won’t let you see my tears.

I cannot  believe it, even if I wouldn’t deserve a hug.

I need my brother, he needs me… but we cannot hug each other

Now I wish to have her dress… I want to wear it and make it free with
my hair on it…

Then she will stay in me in my heart…”it fits you, you like
it…okay, take it!”

Skype was not working for two months in Iran..so I could not see her
for two months

Foreigners who have their family right here with them are the luckiest
in this world …

But I am waiting fondly for my mother’s dress now, and it would make
me so happy even if I start this happiness with tears.

Am sleeping

My mother will call me soon

and I will open my eyes in front of the sweetest face in the world, of
my mother.

  1. Brave

    Mom where u r gone? Give me ur address, a phone number, something now how can i contact u or find u?
    After 7 years waiting again we r separate?
    Why u never told me about ur big trip?
    I need u

  2. Mark

    Everyone at MT is really sad to hear about your mother’s passing, Dana, and we wish you strength and hope in this dificult time.

  3. Brave

    Mark thank u so much, hugs

    Now my body has no union with me… now my joy gone
    Now my words are broken and sad my beautiful maman gone
    She could not tell me a bye she could not make me feel sad
    I was speaking to her body with my mobile for last time… when she was on bed and in hospital. when it was only 30 minutes from her flight…
    I thought she is alive, my brother put his mobile on her ears, i told i want story,…,…
    Then my brother told me that u were talking to moms body
    Sigh
    Can i stand again without her? She was the first one taught me to satnd when i was a baby.
    I miss her stories so much, i miss her voice, i am thirsty for her, i am hungry for her touch i need her help, i just need her even am older than her now.

  4. Brave

    Now my pretty maman u dont need visa…. come and meet me here, am waiting for u
    Lets dance a bit…
    Just hi and never bye okay maman?

  5. Brave

    Maman,
    My fingers are crying… i cant touch u again
    Come and touch my fingers
    And dont tell me dont
    I cant stop it my crying

  6. Everdream

    Dear Dana, I am reading your stories here and I am shocked that you have such bad experiences in Finland. I am considering moving to Finland and it shocks me that I read so many bad stories because I’ve been to Finland twice and it seemed like a peaceful and nice country to live in with great social care and very educated people. It puzzles me that you are not considering leaving maybe to London or Paris if you have Finnish citizenship to be in a community that is international?
    I read a lot about racism in Finland and that silent discrimination, it is really weird.

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